Thursday, November 26, 2015

Shit You Shouldn't Do On Social Media

I hate to break it to all the asshats out there, but social media has rules. Some of these rules are hard learned, with consequences including, but not limited to: being unfriended/unfollowed, reported, blocked, cussed out, and belittled. We're all guilty of breaking some of the rules as we learn what is tolerated and how to play the social media game, but in the effort of avoiding being placed in the "asshat" category, please consider the following Top 10 things you shouldn't do on social media.

#1 Social Media is NOT a Dating Site 
"Creeping on social media only shows what a desperate looser you are"
This means: don't ask someone their location, age, sex, martial status. This is the kind of personal shit people share with those they feel comfortable with, not with random message-sending pricks

#2 DICK Pics are a No-No
"That you're even considering it means you should seriously rethink your entire fucking life."
No one cares how big it is or how you intend to use it. It's just gross. You don't see me sending out pictures of my vagina, do you? If I want to see dick I'll turn on CNN

#3 Don't SHAME Anyone
"Beauty is relative... fuck your opinion."
Nothing says "asshat" like someone who disses a total stranger... Or what's worse: a friend! 

"If you can't present your side of the argument without being a huge douchetwat, shut up."
Civil discussions are fine, but if you bring your guns to social media, someone with a better argument will shoot you the fuck down!

#5 Don't DRINK and POST
"Go get drunk like a normal person. Drunk posting is not the new drunk dial'"
Enough said.

#6 STOP the SPAM
"Be a real person, not an advertisement"
Self promotion is all well and good, but social media is about being social! So be social! Interact and be a real fucking person.

#7 Quit With the AUTO Response 
"There's no greater way to irritate"
If anyone wanted to know more about you, they'd follow those handy dandy little links posted right on your fucking page.

#8 Negativity's a Drag
"People avoid the plague for a reason"
You're sick AGAIN? You day SUCKED? Yeah, so did mine. If you need a pick-me-up from someone, go have a private conversation with your bestie, not the universe at large

"If I see one more damn sympathy post I'm gonna..."
Does your insecurity have no bounds? I don't want to fucking hug you. Don't shame people into giving you sympathy because it's pathetic. This goes for posting imagery of people with severe illness with "Share if you care, scroll if you don't" because it's total bullshit. If I want to support a cause, I will. I don't need you to throw it in my face.

#10 No Trolls Allowed
"...and I got reported for that that!"
If someone is breaking social media rules, someone in CHARGE of said social media will take care of the problem. They have enough real shit to deal with, so don't go vigilante on anyone. If you don't like what you see or read, unfriend/unfollow.